End of the Road Read online

  Godwall, the family’s official “Ambassador of Peace”, made the necessary introductions, carefully making sure to allot everyone equal “air time” at every turn. The groom made a toast. His parents also expressed their happiness. The groom’s father stood up and said in a booming voice that scared the children –“This blessed union will strengthen our families” then he quickly sat down.

  Slowly, almost imperceptibly, the center of attention turned to the logistics of the upcoming wedding itself. Both the bride and the groom wanted to discuss the issue with the whole clan. While they were talking, I continued to enjoy my moros y cristianos, which I cleverly washed down with a generous amount of strong Spanish ale. The amount of people to attend, the number of ushers and tables, as well as a myriad of other details were talked about at length.

  Next came the issue of the menu. A cacophony of voices rushed in to offer suggestions. Always outspoken, Aunt María (after whom Addys María had been partially named) expressed her humble opinion –“At my wedding, and a blessed event it was, we served a traditional Spanish menu and that was that…my Pablo…rest his soul…suggested the idea. I could…” Addys María took control saying –“I want several courses, not just one. Yes, the traditional puerco asado will be there…but we also want chicken and seafood. We wanted to share that with you” she said looking at the groom for moral support. The young man nodded in agreement. I continued to listen very quietly, beer in hand. The small army of aunts–almost in unison–pledged their time and expertise in preparing all those dishes. Not surprisingly, Aunt María emerged as the undisputed leader. Then, it happened! I heard Addys María’s voice saying –“I appreciate everyone’s help! We both do! But, this is my wedding and I make the final decisions.” The room went dead. Addys María charged on –“I have an important announcement to make..” she said in a grave tone. I leaned toward Godwall and whispered in his ear –“I hope she’s not dumping this guy right here!’ Godwall started to giggle. Addys María’s glare made us stop. Addys María regained the room –“I want Dave to cook for us at the wedding”, she said in a calm, yet firm voice; her right index pointing at me.

  The announcement caught me at a bad moment. I was busy working on a succulent piece of pork I had snagged with the fork in my left hand and the two tostones in my right hand. Every eye in the room turned to me. Most of them were angry eyes. I looked at Godwall for help. He raised his arms helplessly. The expression on his face told me that his sister’s crazy announcement had also surprised him. –“Dude, you’re dead meat!” he added with a smile. That was about the size of it!

  Everyone’s first reaction was an imprecise mix of shock and disbelief, quickly followed by a reasonable dose of concern and panic. I stood up and explained that the unexpected honour, and unexpected it had been, while very flattering had been grossly misplaced on me. I was only a cook wannabe who lacked the experience for such a serious undertaking. –“That’s right!” declared the chorus of aunts in perfect pitch. Godwall’s mom, Addys, intervened saying that I was probably quite capable of doing the job, however…this was a big responsibility, a one-of-a-kind celebration for the bride and groom and, as such, the situation called for a group of seasoned people; those who had already gone through the heavy strain of cooking at a wedding. –“Addys is absolutely right!” I said emphatically. I was engulfed by a sea of silent approval. Two of the aunts were openly snickering and whispering in each other’s ear God-knows-what. The condescending tone of those who spoke was beginning to annoy me in ways unimaginable. –“I could probably do it. But, it would be a first for me...if that makes any sense” I added trying to regain some of my dignity.

  Everyone at the giant table agreed, perhaps for the first time that evening. I had never cooked for so many people before (as a matter of fact, the final number of guests had not even been decided). Why risk it? It just made no sense at all.

  As my eyes panned the table in search of support, I found calmer faces and many assenting nods. Then my eyes met Addys María’s. She quickly looked down to avoid me. I saw two huge tears silently drop on her lap. The groom held her hands trying to console her. His eyes were on me, searching for a reason for my attitude.

  That was more than I could bear. I dashed over to Addys María’s seat. We had been good friends for many years. I knelt down right between the bride and the groom. I grabbed Addys María’s hands and asked her to look at me. Before I could open my mouth, Addys María said very softly –“It’s O.K., Dave…if you feel you cannot do it, I don’t want to…”

  My own voice surprised me when I heard a strange yell say –“I’ll do it! I’ll cook for you two!” Yes, long live chivalry, my friends! Wine does make the most sensible person say and do stupid things…and I am not even half sensible! Around us and beyond, the room erupted on fire.

  Godwall and I dragged the bride and the groom out to the covered patio. The old Spanish house featured an interior courtyard with benches, trees and a big fountain. We all sat on a bench trying to sort out the plan for the wedding meals. It was necessary for me to state very clearly that I would be in charge. –“You don’t have to tell us that, Dave. We chose you for the job!” said the groom. –“I don’t mean you two. I mean them” I said pointing my finger to the dining-room.

  I sent Godwall back to fetch all the aunts. As the main hostess of the affair, Addys María’s mother could not be part of the cooking team. That was understood. Two female cousins who had joined the dinner party about an hour later also volunteered to cook. I could use the extra hands for sure. I sat everyone down on the benches and around the fountain.

  I knew I was outgunned by the aunts. My words needed to convey a maturity beyond my young age. –“As you all know, we all will be cooking for the wedding. Every person here has volunteered to participate in this important activity. People will talk about the bride’s dress, those who go to the church ceremony will be in awe of the service and the bridal entourage, those who join us here will smell the flowers and will dance to the music that will be played. But they will stay for the food. Food is what holds this wedding together, not only as a celebration, but as a sacred rite for the couple joined in matrimony. We have the most important job of every person involved in the wedding…and there are many of us. I want all of you to understand that. I take my responsibility very seriously. Every person here will have specific tasks. I am in charge. I will assign those tasks. If there is anybody here who is not willing to do a certain type of job, like cleaning up, prepping, peeling or fetching something when told to do so…I need to know right now.” I stopped for a moment and turned around looking every person in the eye.

  The recriminations were now a little more subtle –“Dave, we all understand how important this is. I cooked for my two daughters when they got married, I cooked for Addys María’s mother and I’ve cooked for many other people too. I know what I’m doing!” explained the ever loquacious Aunt María.

  Some naïve folk don’t recognize when they are being set up. –“I’m very glad you are with us, María! You have no idea how much I appreciate your presence and your experience. You will be invaluable to us. The question I have for you is this: Can you put all you know aside and follow directions…my directions? If the answer is not a firm yes, I do not want you on the team. I cannot be jousting with you every second and cooking at the same time. In addition to your experience, I need something even more important than that: Your full support. I want to make this clear to you and to everyone here right now. I have the bride and the groom’s full backing on this. They are present. If anyone here cannot participate in this intense activity under those conditions, I need to know at this very moment and I’ll find somebody else who can. The question is not: Can you cook? The question is: Can you follow my directions without questioning my judgment or ability at every turn? You all are going to prep, peel, slice, shred, fry, sauté, clean and do whatever else is needed. I am going to prepare the recipes, select the ingredients, adjust all seasonings and cook. Everyone
here knows the difference. Are we clear on this?” Grudgingly, everyone agreed. If they thought I trusted them, they were even more foolish than I had anticipated.

  After I sent the group back to the dining-room, I asked Godwall to find five young men he could trust. We had many common friends. I only suggested one name: Chuchy; a bodybuilder who at 6 feet 4 inches and 245 pounds of sheer muscle could intimidate a hungry gorilla, let alone the aunts. Godwall could pick any other four he wanted. Their job was to watch the aunts at all times. Their sole mission was to stop anybody, absolutely anybody, but me from lifting a lid and seasoning any of the meals being cooked in so many pots at one given time. These lads were to be “on guard duty” in the cooking area during the whole process. I would announce that to the aunts some other time.

  The King’s Advice Comes at a Price…

  My father offered me a beer and poured himself a double shot of dark rum on the rocks. –“Well, well, well…you’ve stepped in it this time, ol’ boy! You’ll soon find out if you can be a real chef, Mr. David,” he said with his usual sarcasm. I shook my head and bit my tongue almost to the point of bleeding. –“I came for help on how to cook for 100 people, dad. Please, save the sermon for another day. I’m sure you’ll be able to squeeze it in next time we talk.” My father was obviously enjoying the moment. Rest assured that, had I known a single soul with the kind of knowledge about cooking dad had, I would have walked into the burning fires of Hades to speak to that person rather than seek my father’s super smug advice. I needed him and he knew it.

  A stupid thought came to me: Maybe I could ask dad to cook at the wedding. He was an old friend of Addys María and Godwall’s parents. As youngsters, they all had run amok together when the dinosaurs were still on the earth. Nah, I couldn’t possibly unleash that kind of misery on Addys María, especially on her wedding day. I had to do it.

  This was the very first time when the immensity of the task ahead of me really hit me. A cold sweat and a quick shiver soon followed. Dad set his drink down. He then put his right hand on my head and said softly, almost in a human tone –“You O.K., son?” I was not about to spoil dad’s moment by going soft on him. –“I’m fine, dad. Just that I’ve never cooked for so many people in my whole life…you know” I said trying to hide my noticeable physical discomfort the best I could.

  –“How many guests will you have, Dave? Was 100 the real number? If so, you need to go about 15 to 20% over that amount. There will be people showing up that you never knew existed. So, let’s say 120 people to have a nice, round number. The next step is getting the right ingredients, as fresh as possible.” Dad looked at the menu. –“Not everybody eats everything you serve. Food for 120 people…alternating all the entrées and meat dishes in such a way that you don’t have excessive amounts of leftovers, but that you don’t run out of food either. We got that down. In fact, keep ready-to-go meat in a cooler. In a pinch, you can season it, sauté it and serve it with rice and salad. It’s your back-up plan.”

  My father was getting excited about the project and I could sense his desire to help. I pointed out to him a few meat dishes on the menu I had underlined. He gave me some ideas on how to parcel out the meats. He also told me that we needed two types of salads: tomato/cucumber and the other just lettuce. He took out a pen and crossed out an item on my menu. –“Stay away from avocado salad, no matter who asks for it! In an hour, the avocado will turn dark and look unappetizing. Of course, if you sprinkle lemon juice on it, it perks right back up, but…who needs that!” he warned.

  I was afraid of writing anything down and have my father make fun of me. My mind was working overtime both trying to retain and process all the information dad was dishing out and keeping myself calm; the latter a much harder task.

  –“Preparation is key. It is so much so that every restaurant in the world, in addition to weekly plans, begins every single day with what is called a “mise en place” check. This is done in the kitchen by the chef and on the floor by the restaurant manager for the waiting staff. What this means is: Everything in its place. Not only must you have all you need, but all that must be in its place, clean and ready to be used at a moment’s notice. You must do the same. Since you are not a professional and you are not dealing with professionals, your mise en place will be done every day the week of the wedding. People get sick. You can’t use them. A person prepping might get a cut on a finger. Have two or three people on stand-by, son. Gather all the spices you need, starting today. You are going to need big pots. Your uncle Denis has enough contacts in the army to get those loaned to you. Have the pots and pans in your possession two days before the wedding. Get yourself 6 gallons of good olive oil.”

  I thanked my father and collected all my papers. –“Next thing to remember is that when cooking any type of meat or seafood for large amounts of people, you need to season each piece individually before putting it in the pot. Then, you stir, add sauces and oil. Towards the end, you taste and adjust the seasoning. Better under than over. You can always add, but it will be impossible for you to save a dish that is too salty. Be careful!” I had already heard that one should season meat by the piece from an army cook I knew. But, he wasn’t really a very good cook. Now, dad had corroborated the old cook’s advice.

  As I was almost out the door, my father said almost in a whisper –“Of course, I still need to tell you the real secret of how to pull this off, you know. It won’t be today. Swing by the day of the wedding and I’ll tell you!” I couldn’t believe it! He had done it again. He knew that keeping valuable information from me at a moment like that was going to gnaw at me, day and night, until the day of the wedding. He didn’t care. I kept my mouth shut and walked out.

  There’s a Calm Before the Storm

  I reviewed and edited the menu. Now, it was final: puerco asado, moros y cristianos, lobster in tomato sauce, shrimp in white wine sauce, chicken in béchamel sauce and the two salads. Yes, it was going to be a feast worthy of the Gods in Olympus.

  Godwall and I had picked another platoon of eight men to do the centerpiece outdoor ritual: Roasting the pig, a process that can last more than eight hours. I had prepared a bucket of adobo, using a combination of my father’s recipe and a bit of my own concoction.

  Two of the younger aunts were in charge of the two salads and the dressings. No avocado salad for anyone. Three aunts were assigned baking the flans and the bread puddings I would prepare. All desserts were scheduled to be refrigerated two days before the wedding. Addys María, her mom and two cousins would make plenty of dulce de leche and cascos de guayaba en almíbar.

  Uncertain Wishes…

  And so, I had my grand tour de force before I was ready for it. I have since wondered if it happened because I was innocent enough to believe that I was ready for the task, selfish enough to risk somebody else’s special day or egotistical enough to think that at my young age, I could do what had taken others a much longer time to achieve. Who knows!

  The day of the wedding, my “guards” had to physically step in and firmly press down the pot lids in order to stop the aunts from seasoning the meals behind my back. The aunts didn’t like it, but all they could do was moan and curse and not much else.

  I was half through cooking at the wedding when I remembered that I had not gone to see dad for the famous “secret” of pulling this off. How could I have been so careless? A wave of fear invaded me. I looked to my left and saw two of the aunts sheepishly dicing tomatoes and peeling shrimp. On my right, the rest of the army was hard at work too. Everything was going well. I might not have the secret, but I was still very much on top of everything.

  Aunt María and her younger sister did not exactly mince words when they called me a gallo capón almost to my face. My personal “buffer” disappointed the small legion of admirers who, having heard that I was in charge of the kitchen, had come to wish me well and/or see me at work. They were all summarily ushered out of the cooking area without much ceremony. The groom’s mother tried her luck and was al
so escorted out of the kitchen.

  There were several curious souls who–standing outside the cooking area–kept on yelling out asking for my recipes on the spot. I had a sign posted announcing a free-for-all talk after the party. But, I was not to be spoken to while I was working. The sign helped a little.

  By the time dinner was ready, I can proudly say that, conservatively speaking, I had managed to irritate about 80% of the guests who had dared to try getting close to me. I did not care! I was not there to socialize.

  I had dinner ready for the official 8:00 P.M. sit-down dinner, but we had to wait another half an hour for the roasted pig to be cut into serving portions and put onto the serving trays. I used that time to take a quick shower and change. Back in the kitchen, my “guards” were still on duty watching the aunts. By the time I returned to the kitchen, they were calling out to dinner.

  Somebody came in with a note for me. Addys María wanted to see me in the dining-room on the double. A million thoughts crossed my mind. All my insecurities came out to haunt me. Was the food so horrible that they were calling me after only two bites?

  When I entered the dining-room, Addys María and the groom stood up. Though always beautiful, Addys María had never looked as radiant. She was beaming with joy. This was her big day and she was going to enjoy it!

  I had secretly cursed her for giving me the job, but looking at her at that moment, I could only thank her for allowing me to contribute to her happiness. –“Here he is, ladies and gentlemen. The best cook in town. A toast and a round of applause!” Everybody followed the bride and groom in congratulating me for the food. Godwall handed me a glass of wine. I could use a drink! I raised my glass –“A toast for the bride and groom and their never-ending happiness!” The people applauded and started to sing. Addys María stood up again –“My friends, I thank you…but now…we eat and drink! To your health and happiness too! God bless you all!”